When Your Boss Asks for Feedback
When the boss asks for feedback, be careful about what you say. When a client hires me for a keynote or workshop, they’re usually looking to improve the way leaders share feedback with their teams. Sometimes they’re trying to help employees accept feedback with greater resilience and results. But every so often, a client will throw me a curveball, like this request that recently came through: “Can you help our employees give feedback to their line managers?” Now that’s an intriguing question! Most of the workplaces I encounter are feedback hesitant. Some willingly dish it… Read More
Lessons from a feedback funeral
We need to look back before we can move forward. Last week, I did something I hadn’t done before. I attended a feedback funeral. Actually, I officiated at one. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. In case you’re wondering, there was no body. Just a body of regret, remorse and resolve. About two dozen senior leaders hailing from multiple industries and functions gathered with me at the end our day-long workshop on fearless feedback to pay our last respects. They seemed poised to leave behind the blame and shame that marks so… Read More
How to land feedback from the start
With feedback, you need a strong takeoff for a solid landing. Sharing good feedback takes skill and savvy, but it also requires a plan of action — an intentional effort to understand what others need and how you intend to meet and manage those expectations. If you want feedback to land smoothly, a good place to start is at the beginning, before you engage in conversation. Through my work helping leaders design and deliver feedback without fear, I’ve seen the positive effect of having a feedback “entry point,” a well-designed plan for sharing your message…. Read More
The power of positive feedback
Positive feedback can make the difference in your work and relationships. Repeat after me: Feedback can be positive, too! Sounds obvious, right? But for most people, feedback is associated with criticism, correction and negativity. It leads to a vicious spiral of blame, shame and pain. This bias for negativity is the reason feedback often sparks fear, not joy. For one New York hospital, going negative had them going nowhere. Alarmed by poor handwashing practices on one of their wards, hospital administrators tried multiple tactics to boost compliance: They held meetings. They hung signs…. Read More
Don’t inflate your feedback
Don’t inflate your message. Set the feedback record straight with these actions. It’s no surprise that people inflate their feedback, especially when the message is critical. To spare others (and ourselves) from blame, discord or even retaliation, we sugarcoat feedback with more innocuous-sounding words and phrases that soften its blow. Telling people their work is “good” or that there’s a “real possibility” for promotion in the future seems harmless enough. But is it? Not only does sugarcoating create confusion, but it holds others back from identifying and correcting performance flaws. Worse, managers… Read More
How to receive feedback (and like it, too)
Receive feedback with more grace, gratitude and guts. We don’t choose the feedback we get, but we always control where it goes. Easier said than done, right? After years of helping organizations around the world receive and achieve feedback without fear, I’ve settled on a few principles and practices that can help. Some are directed at others. Others are pointed at ourselves. Questions to ask yourself: Before responding to negative feedback, impose a cool-down period and ask yourself these questions: These questions can help you separate facts from feelings, distinguish fixed conditions from… Read More
5 ways to heal the hurt of feedback
Turn the hurt into hope with a different outlook and attitude. Getting negative feedback, especially from those we respect and trust, can quickly become an emotional train wreck that leaves us feeling hurt, helpless, and even a little bit hopeless. And when critical feedback is repeated over time, researchers have found that it can diminish our productivity, motivation and even our prospects for employment. Ouch. How can we turn a hurtful comment into a helpful construct? Try practicing the following five techniques, and you’ll start receiving feedback without fear — and maybe even with joy! Receive, don’t respond Instead… Read More
Ask better questions
Ask these questions to help you get the feedback you want and need. Getting feedback about who we are and what we do is the surest way to improve. Most people would agree it’s necessary. A recent BetterUp survey found that 65% of employees want more feedback, even though they acknowledge it may be difficult to receive. Then again, the feedback we receive from managers and loved ones may not arrive in time or hit the mark — assuming it’s delivered at all. Asking for feedback can help. Instead of waiting for… Read More
How to flip your feedback
Changing the frame can change the effect. Getting negative feedback, especially from those we respect and trust, can quickly become an emotional train wreck that leaves us feeling hurt, helpless, and even a little bit hopeless. And when critical feedback is repeated over time, researchers have found that it can diminish our productivity, motivation and even our prospects for employment. The good news? We can flip the frame on negative feedback by changing the story. While we can’t control what happens to us, we can always change what happens next. Whether negative feedback causes us to become… Read More
Make a plan for difficult feedback
How do you make difficult feedback even harder? By not showing up prepared. Communicating effectively takes skill and savvy, but it also requires a plan of action — an intentional effort to understand what others need and how you intend to meet and manage those expectations. If you need to share difficult feedback and want your feedback message to land smoothly, you need a plan for success. Through my work helping leaders design and deliver feedback without fear, I’ve seen the positive effect of having a feedback “entry point,” a well-designed plan… Read More