Have you ever tried to turn feedback into a conversation but the other person doesn’t want to talk? Despite your best efforts to ask questions, seek insights and offer support, does it seem like you're carrying the conversation all by yourself?

If feedback feels too one-sided, I have a fix for you:

It's a handy technique called "rate and reflect."

Based on the method of motivational interviewing, "rate and reflect" hit my radar during an episode of I Wish They Knew with the author Michael McQueen. (Watch or listen to our conversation.) Michael uses "rate and reflect" as a persuasion tool, but I couldn't help seeing the feedback applications as well.

By encouraging individuals to self-assess and rate their performance, this method fosters a deeper understanding of personal strengths and growth opportunities. It transforms feedback from a passive, prescriptive experience into an engaging, reflective process where others feel empowered to take ownership of their growth.

From rating to reflecting

It's a pretty simple formula: Ask others to rate a particular aspect of their performance or behavior on a scale from from 1 to 10. Here's how you begin:

You: "Let's talk about your recent project. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your ability to keep the team on schedule?"

Them: "I’d say it’s about a 7."

You: "That’s a solid rating. I'm curious - why not higher?"

Instead of assigning and sharing your own rating (which immediately puts others on defense), pose a question that prompts reflection and discussion. Asking "why not higher?" opens up a conversation about the issues at hand without judgment, bias or acrimony. By exploring the reasons behind the rating, you and the other person can delve into what's happening, why it's happening, and what ought to happen next. "Rate and reflect" can spark a natural give-and-take that might otherwise go missing when feedback feels strained.

A natural feedback fix

I like "rate and reflect" as a feedback fix for a few reasons:

• It promotes self-awareness: Good feedback shows others where to look, not what to see. This technique gets others to look inside themselves.
• It creates accountability without blame: It allows us to call attention to issues without calling anyone out.
• It makes room for learning: By letting others lead with their rating, we can better understand their point of view and even bring new information to light.

"Rate and reflect" transforms feedback from a one-sided and uncomfortable affair into a collaborative and empowering conversation. By fostering a supportive atmosphere and encouraging reflection, we can help others unlock the full potential of feedback and ensure that all voices are heard.