Resilience can help us bounce back from tough feedback.

Feedback is a constant. Resilience is a choice.

In a perfect world, we'd take our feedback lumps with grace and grit. But for many people, the experience leaves them bruised and bewildered, stung by self-doubt, and maybe even bitter and defensive. The only way out is through -- but how can we turn the hurt of feedback into something helpful?

Recently on I Wish They Knew, I hosted a mini-series on resilience and talked to three authorities on the topic to learn how we can bounce back even better than before. Each guest offered a unique angle on overcoming adversity, and when we wrapped the series, I thought to myself, "If only more people built their feedback resilience, life would be so much easier!"

Together, these conversations remind us that we can build our feedback resilience and learn to receive and perceive feedback without fear. All we need is the right mindset, strategy, and resolve.

Resilience is caught, not taught

In episode 174, Simon Bailey helps us understand that resilience is something that we develop through peer-to-peer support, positive leadership and self-awareness. Simon introduces us to some colorful characters -- Hurry, Worry, Ready and Steady -- who provide a parable for how leaders can model the beliefs and behaviors that help others thrive in times of change and challenge.

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Resilience needs a way, not just a will

In Episode 175, Dr. Marie-Helene Pelletier shows us how to turn resilience from a sentiment into a strategy. Marie-Helene makes a compelling case for treating resilience like business plan, complete with specific strategies for keeping our "supply and demand" energy resources in balance.

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When life gets hard, resilience gets hardier

In Episode 176, Dr. Steven Stein explains why "hardiness" -- the mix of resilience and emotional intelligence -- can deepen our resolve and readiness to act. Drawing on decades of research, Steven shows how reframing challenge and reclaiming agency can help anyone make stress a strength, whether that's law enforcement professionals, start-up founders, HR leaders or reality TV stars.

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Building our feedback resilience

I'm still thinking through the ways feedback resilience can enhance our personal and professional lives. In the meantime, here are three quick tips to receive feedback with more agency, insight, and upside:

Impose a “cool down” period

Let negative feedback sit for a day or so before responding. When the initial sting of criticism wears off, you'll be in better position to evaluate the message with greater calm and clarity.

Widen the feedback loop

Ask a trusted colleague, family member or friend to help interpret the feedback. Getting an outsider’s perspective can provide much-needed distance and detail, helping us separate facts from feelings and find the signal in the noise.

Revisit the issue with the giver

While we’d like nothing more than to bury bad news in the past, it’s more constructive to engage in future dialogue with the person who gave it. Let that person know you’ve thought about the feedback and want to craft a plan of improvement. If you disagree with premise of the feedback, ask for an opportunity to present your side of the story.

We don’t choose the feedback we get, but we always get to choose where it goes. When we build our feedback resilience, we can transform negative reports into positive results.