When feedback fails to live up to its potential, it's usually because our beliefs and behaviors are counter-productive. We focus on past failures, not future possibilities. We forget that feedback is bolstered by relationships, not just by ratings. And we feel compelled to "tell and sell" our solutions to others rather than listen to their suggestions. The result is fearful feedback — the kind that leaves others feeling depleted and defeated, not renewed and ready to act.

It's not too late to change that. By adjusting the way we shape and size feedback, it's possible to deliver a more constructive message that improves results and relationships. The following frame shifts can make all the difference in how feedback is delivered and received.

Show how much you 𝚔̶𝚗̶𝚘̶𝚠 care

Feedback is more than just a way to transmit information. It should be a means to establish connection. That was the key finding by a research team from Stanford, Yale and Columbia after analyzing two different sets of feedback provided to students by their teachers. Some students received only generic comments on their papers ("good job" or "nice work") while others got something more: a Post-It note that read, "I am giving you this feedback because I have high expectations of you and know you can achieve them."

This small gesture made a big impact: 72 percent of the students who got the Post-It note voluntarily revised their papers, compared to just 17 percent who received generic feedback. Not only that, but the students who got the Post-It note also received better overall grades on their work. The lesson here is clear: Feedback should be used to frame a challenge, not force a change. By setting and supporting high expectations for others, we show that we care about them and their growth.

Name it and frame it

Placing feedback into a larger context not only helps others understand its true significance, but it also produces strong results. In one study, researchers arranged for workers at a university call center to meet with the students who received scholarship money they helped raise. Putting a "face" on these efforts may not seem like much, but it made a big difference: Callers who interacted with students spent twice as long on fundraising calls and brought in nearly three times the total amount of donations compared to workers who never interacted with scholarship recipients. The same can happen when we put feedback into its larger context: People are more likely to strive for better outcomes when they perceive the significance of their actions.

Push the positive

Never underestimate the power of positive feedback. Not only does it boost positive emotions and increase the desire to learn and improve, but it can also improve team performance. In a study examining team effectiveness, the best-performing teams received nearly six positive statements for every negative statement, while unsuccessful teams received just one positive statement for each negative statement. Staying mindful of the positive-to-negative feedback ratio can make a difference in the quality of people's work.

And when it’s shared spontaneously, positive feedback can be a value driver. In one study, people who received a $5 gift card unexpectedly — as a “just because” gift — experienced nearly the same level of happiness as those who received a $50 gift card they expected, be it for a birthday, graduation or some other special occasion. For a fraction of the cost, these gift-givers got comparable value. Recognizing others with positive feedback requires virtually no extra time, training or special resources — but it delivers outsized value in the workplace.

Clear is kind

Enough with the praise sandwiches: When feedback is shared openly, consistently, and clearly, it keeps people and projects on track. It might also prevent disasters.

In a 1984 study, NASA researchers examined ways to improve air flight safety. In one study, cockpit crews made up of a pilot, copilot, and navigator conducted flight simulations in which a potential crash situation occurred. The study found that pilots who acted solely on their intuition were much more likely to crash the plane than pilots who asked other crew members to weigh in before choosing their course of action.

But it wasn't just a matter of whether the pilot sought input from the crew. The underlying factor that determined flight safety was how often these open exchanges took place. Pilots and crew members with a history of candid give-and-take made fewer errors. They developed a cadence of candor that prevented operational mistakes from becoming irreversible disasters. And they showed that good feedback doesn't need to come with a hefty instruction manual.

Keeping planes aloft is complicated. Making feedback fearless is not. Try these frame shifts, and you'll make your next conversation count.

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