Building up feedback resilience
Resilience can help us bounce back from tough feedback. Feedback is a constant. Resilience is a choice. In a perfect world, we’d take our feedback lumps with grace and grit. But for many people, the experience leaves them bruised and bewildered, stung by self-doubt, and maybe even bitter and defensive. The only way out is through — but how can we turn the hurt of feedback into something helpful? Recently on I Wish They Knew, I hosted a mini-series on resilience and talked to three authorities on the topic to learn how… Read More
It’s time for timely feedback
Giving timely feedback gets better outcomes. What do we do when we need to share difficult feedback? Too often, we don’t. We talk around the issues. We talk past the issues. And sometimes, we don’t talk about the issues at all. Those delay tactics may come from a good place, like not wanting to create conflict or complicate relationships, but they rarely produce a good outcome. It’s harder and costlier to address persistent problems down the line — assuming, of course, that we’re able to remember them at all. Blame the brain…. Read More
Bring more joy to feedback
Four ways to spark joy, not fear. I’ll come right out and say it: Feedback should spark joy, not fear. When feedback fails to live up to its potential, it’s usually because our beliefs and behaviors are counter-productive. We focus on past failures, not future possibilities. We forget that feedback is bolstered by relationships, not just by ratings. And we feel compelled to “tell and sell” our solutions to others rather than listen to their suggestions. The result is fearful feedback — the kind that leaves others feeling depleted and defeated, not… Read More
“Good enough” feedback is enough
Forget perfection. Why good enough is enough – for you and others. I’ve often wondered why some people are so averse to giving feedback, especially tough feedback. Yes, it can be difficult. It can get complicated, even messy. Then again, the same people who tell you it’s too hard will routinely do hard things, whether that’s accepting a stretch assignment at work, learning a new skill, or fixing the flat tire on their kid’s two-wheeler. (I don’t know about you, but that’s hard for me.) So what’s really behind the feedback hesitancy?… Read More
5 fixes for feedback failure
Turn feedback failure into success. There are lots of ways that feedback can fail, and they mostly start with us. Even with the best intentions, we probably commit more feedback failures than we care to admit. These unforced errors — in our style, delivery and timing, to name just a few — result in feedback encounters that often leave others feeling defeated and depleted, not renewed and ready to act. Learning how to share high-quality feedback takes time, training and practice, but prevention starts with awareness. Here are five of the more… Read More
Fearless feedback: My Top 10
Fearless feedback? Let’s count the ways. You can find a Top 10 list for just about anything: Top 10 best extended warranties. (No thanks.) Top 10 useless things you learned in school. (Just 10?!) Top 10 breakfast cereals of all time. (Hello, Wheaties!) Guess what didn’t make the list? Top 10 ways to make feedback fearless! So, in the spirit of offering a feedback fix, here are ten ways to have those hard conversations and get the results and relationships you want. 1. Hold the mirror. “Mirror holding” is a dramatic shift… Read More
Getting the candor we crave
Candor should be kind — and necessary. Wouldn’t it be nice if people could talk and actually know what’s being said? Instead dodging or disguising hard truths, we’d speak up, speak out, and speak often. We’d put candor before comfort. Too often, it’s the other way around: For some, it’s an aversion to conflict. For others, it’s the product of a feedback culture that plays “too nice.” Whatever the cause, people end up ducking issues instead of addressing them directly. Just to be clear, candor isn’t a call for rudeness or a… Read More
23 lessons on feedback from 2023
Lessons on giving, receiving, and acting on feedback. I spent a lot of time in 2023 thinking and speaking about feedback. (Shocker.) Along the way, I stumbled upon some big ideas, fresh insights and helpful practices to help us make feedback fearless at work, at home and everywhere in between. So, here goes – 23 feedback reflections for 2023: Giving feedback 1. Treat feedback like a bank account – make deposits than withdrawals. 2. Feedback should feel like a team sport, not a cage match. 3. Set feedback goals that are FAST,… Read More
When your boss ask you for feedback
How to give feedback like a boss to your boss. We spend a lot of time thinking about the feedback we get from our boss. But what happens when our boss wants to get feedback from us? It’s a positive sign when managers actively seek feedback about themselves from their team, but it also raises the stakes: How much should we share? How can we strike the right balance between candor and caution? And does our boss really want to hear those hard truths?If your boss asks you for feedback, here are… Read More
The Silver Rule of Giving Feedback
Stop giving feedback that you wouldn’t want yourself. You’ve heard of the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. But when it comes to giving feedback, we need to follow the Silver Rule: Don’t treat others the way you would not want them to treat you. Or, to put it more bluntly: If you don’t like the way people give you feedback, don’t give them feedback that way. There’s lots of ways feedback can go wrong: Poor intentions. Bad delivery. Insufficient data. No matter the cause, the result… Read More