Four ways to spark joy, not fear.

I'll come right out and say it: Feedback should spark joy, not fear.

When feedback fails to live up to its potential, it's usually because our beliefs and behaviors are counter-productive. We focus on past failures, not future possibilities. We forget that feedback is bolstered by relationships, not just by ratings. And we feel compelled to "tell and sell" our solutions to others rather than listen to their suggestions. The result is fearful feedback — the kind that leaves others feeling depleted and defeated, not renewed and ready to act.

That changes when feedback becomes a cause for joy. Joyful feedback isn't meant to make others feel better about their work (though it usually does) — it's designed to help others do better work.

Here are four ways to bring more joy to the conversations that matter:

Connection

Feedback should be more than just a way to transmit information. It should be a means to establish connection. That was the key finding by a research team from Stanford, Yale and Columbia after analyzing two different sets of feedback provided to students by their teachers. Some students received only generic comments on their papers ("good job" or "nice work") while others got something more: a Post-It note that read, "I am giving you this feedback because I have high expectations of you and know you can achieve them."

This small gesture made a big impact: 72 percent of the students who got the Post-It note voluntarily revised their papers, compared to just 17 percent who received generic feedback. Not only that, but the students who got the Post-It note also received better overall grades on their work. Instead of relying on feedback to force a change, we can use it to frame a challenge. By setting and supporting high expectations for others, we show that we care about them and their growth.

Make it joyful: Use feedback to show how much you care, not how much you know.

Context

Placing feedback into a larger context not only helps others understand its true significance, but it also produces strong results. In one study, researchers arranged for workers at a university call center to meet with the students who received scholarship money they helped raised. Putting a "face" on these efforts may not have seemed like much, but it made a big difference: Callers who interacted with students spent twice as along on fundraising calls and brought in nearly three times the total amount of donations compared to workers who never interacted with scholarship recipients. The same can happen when we put feedback into its larger context: People are more likely to strive for better results when they understand the implications.

Make it joyful: Naming and framing feedback makes it more personal and valuable for others.

Recognition

Don't underestimate the power of positive feedback. Not only does it boost positive emotions and increase the desire to learn and improve, but it can also improve team performance. In a study examining team effectiveness, the best-performing teams received nearly six positive statements for every negative statement, while unsuccessful teams received just one positive statement for each negative statement. Staying mindful of the positive-to-negative feedback ratio can make a difference in the quality of our work.

 And when it’s shared spontaneously, positive feedback can be a value driver. People who received a $5 gift card unexpectedly — as a “just because” gift — experienced nearly the same level of happiness as those who received a $50 gift card they expected, be it for a birthday, graduation or some other special occasion. For one-tenth the cost, it was possible to produce nearly the same value. Turning feedback into an opportunity to recognize others requires virtually no time, training or special resources — just a deliberate effort to show others that their work matters and that they matter, too.

Make it joyful: Use feedback to recognize others for their contributions in formal and informal settings.

Candor

Candor is kind. When feedback is shared openly, consistently, and clearly, it keeps people and projects on track – and may even prevent catastrophe.

In a 1984 study, NASA researchers examined ways to improve air flight safety. In one study, cockpit crews made up of a pilot, copilot, and navigator participated in flight simulations in which a potential crash situation occurred. The study found that pilots who acted solely on their intuition were much more likely to crash the plane than pilots who asked other crew members to weigh in before deciding how to respond.

But it wasn't just a matter of whether the pilot sought input from the crew. The underlying factor that determined flight safety was how often these open exchanges took place. Pilots and crewmembers with a history of candid give-and-take made fewer errors. They developed a cadence of candor that prevented operational mistakes from becoming irreversible disasters.

Make it joyful: Share feedback openly and often to get the results and relationships you want.

Joy isn't something we find. It's something we create. By helping others discover the joy of getting feedback, we'll create the kind of conversations that are full of possibility and potential.